Finding the Perfect Layover Bar

Having spent the last ten years marooned in D-grade airports in backwater cities on layovers en route to connecting budget flights, I've cultivated a penchant for recognizing the perfect layover bar.

The ideal oasis is a seductive mix of seed, shadow, curiosity and cheap alcohol—a haven for local misfits and day drinkers.

If you're destined to spend a day on the fringes of society, why not do it with the most craggy, decrepit, life-hardened characters living there? At the very least, you'll reach your destination with a few stories to tell.

Supposing you're arriving around mid-morning and flying out around midnight, here are 12 tips for finding your ideal watering hole:

1. If you're like me, and time permitting, you'll want to flee the airport immediately on landing. In the more developed airports, there's a noxiousness to the idea of sitting under neon-lit tables around middle-aged businessmen drinking $20 whiskeys. Sports bars are equally as disturbing. In the shabbier airports and shabbier countries, the sound of the speaker announcements will be enough to get you moving outta there.
2. Your best bet is to withdraw as much cash as you'll need for the day at the airport ATM, jump in a local taxi, and ask them to drive you to the central train/bus station. Why the station? In much of the world (particularly in non-western countries where taxis are unmetered), asking a driver to take you to the "nearest bar" will likely result in your arrival at his cousin's restaurant or all manner of equally unsolicited gestures. The Central Station is always a sturdy reference point. It's typically surrounded by a plethora of dive bars, simpler to communicate with the driver, and easier to get away from if it's a shithole.
3. As soon as you arrive, follow your nose. Here's where intuition, experience, and curiosity take over. If there's street food, follow the stalls; where there's food, there's booze. Albeit often hidden clandestinely behind darkened shopfronts and nefarious side streets in the more puritanical countries.
4. The locals will likely opportunistically prey on your lack of definitive purpose as you meander the streets. This is not always a bad thing. Sometimes, this can be a gift, yet mostly, it's an invitation for them to make some cash by walking you to a friend's establishment or, worse, a fancy bar, which they understandably assume all Westerners want to visit. Here's where intuition is essential. If you see English anywhere, make tracks.
5. Similarly, if the bar is attached to a hotel, doesn't permit smoking inside, has Wi-Fi, and advertises any kind of "fusion" cuisine, run for the hills. Your layover bar needs to be a cash-only bastion of locality, and feeling like you stick out is a good sign you're getting warmer.
6. In the more socially liberal countries, you'll hear a dive bar before you see it. You need only follow the awful, offensively loud music here, and you're in business. Faded, weary shop signs are also great indicators you're in the right place.
7. In North Africa, The Middle East, and parts of South Asia, it's not that simple. Booze is taboo in many of these regions, and her devotees can often be found in subterranean cellars and behind darkened shop fronts. While this sounds sinister, the (typically) whiskey-soaked men inside these drinking dens are refreshingly surprised and delighted to welcome a stranger inside and pour you a drink.
8. While the "moving wallet" sensation that most people feel they're subjected to when traveling among locals, my experience is that most locals are more curious about you and your story rather than your money. While human beings are inherently opportunistic, not all interests are financially motivated. Smile, trust your intuition, and follow invitations when they align with your gut.
9. A wonderful sign that you've found a contender is a beaten-up TV on the wall playing local daytime soaps. The aggregate of every memorable layover bar I've frequented has had this feature.
10. Shockingly harsh lighting and appalling decor are also endearingly sure signs that your hosts couldn't give a shit about catering to the whims of tourists.
11. Study the bartender. Are they young and beautiful, or tired and seemingly past their prime? Are they disinterested or familiar with the customers? The latter again suggests the bar's soul. You want to be somewhere where the staff runs a tight ship, where they know the locals intimately.
12. Order the local specialty. This is straightforward stuff. If you see people drinking a local draft, don't order a wine. Chances are, if you're in the perfect dive bar, they'll only offer a few options, and most will be terrible. Stick to what the locals are drinking.
13. If you're offered a drink, accept it. In many cultures, guest is God, and if the locals want to uphold this beautiful sentiment, then gracefully let them. I've found that even the seediest looking people enjoy shouting a foreigner a drink by the bar. Always return the favor. You'll be surprised how quickly these exchanges dispel fear and create trust, mutual respect, and camaraderie.

So, there you have it. If you stumble out of a smokey daytime drinking dungeon and into a taxi surrounded by illegible alphabets and unknown streets, you've successfully enjoyed your layover with style.

While most news outlets and government travel portals would insist against meandering the lesser-known streets in search of the perfect dive bar, some of the best travel stories arise from chance encounters in these underrated, despised hovels.

After all, the true magic of travel is leaning into the mystery of synchronicity and finding portals in strange moments and strange places.